When I first left university I thought about going into the private sector. But I discovered when I went to interview that I could only have a career in the back office or doing HR. The attitude was 'My dear lady you cannot possibly think about going on the board.'

I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.

After a few months in my parents' basement I took an apartment near the state university where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.

What I've discovered is that in art as in music there's a lot of truth-and then there's a lie. The artist is essentially creating his work to make this lie a truth but he slides it in amongst all the others. The tiny little lie is the moment I live for my moment. It's the moment that the audience falls in love.

I discovered something amazing which has caused a lot of controversy - the fountain of youth. I have to keep it a secret!