If I was good each week, my father would take me to a different pet store each Saturday. I had a snake, horny toads, turtles, lizards, rabbits, guinea pigs... I kept my alligator in the bathtub until it got too big.

Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.

If I ever make a lot of money in the NBA, I'm going to have this massive tank, and it's going to have an alligator in it.

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!

Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek.

Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.