We go to Italy every winter, and my husband's mother has a bingo party on Christmas. Every woman brings a dish: lentils, cavolo nero, tons of beans, polenta, every type of cheese, bruschetta, fresh vegetables, and local olive oil and wine.

Last night at Bingo, Sylvia won the last prize. 'What am I going to do with a mermaid?

I'd rather rot on my own floor than be found by a bunch of bingo players in a nursing home.