Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud.

I'll never forget the blooming happiness that spread in me like the sun coming up when Lydia's obstetrician poked me awake: 'Congratulations... you have a fine son.'

I met Ellie Goulding at the BRITs. She's lovely. I've got a lot of time for her. I gave her congratulations and whatnot and she let me hold her BRIT. That was amazing - once I'd touched one for the first time, I said 'This cannot be the last time I touch a BRIT.'

Jesus Christ knew he was God. So wake up and find out eventually who you really are. In our culture, of course, they'll say you're crazy and you're blasphemous, and they'll either put you in jail or in a nut house (which is pretty much the same thing). However if you wake up in India and tell your friends and relations, 'My goodness, I've just discovered that I'm God,' they'll laugh and say, 'Oh, congratulations, at last you found out.

Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn't tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You're a woman. Now die.)

"Congratulations!

"Congratulations on the new library, because it isn't just a library. It is a space ship that will take you to the farthest reaches of the Universe, a time machine that will take you to the far past and the far future, a teacher that knows more than any human being, a friend that will amuse you and console you -- and most of all, a gateway, to a better and happier and more useful life.

Congratulations you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud.

You know when something feels so good but you're afraid to feel good about it? So you kinda hold back? Everyone says Congratulations you must be so happy. And you say something stupid like I'm just doing what little I can with what little I have.