Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

A vegan diet takes care of most of what we need to do. But you'll also want to minimize the use of oils generally, because while olive oil and other vegetable oils are better for your heart than chicken fat, they are as fattening as animal fats.

Revenge is sweet and not fattening.

When I want comfort food I buy Maltesers. I like all chocolates but especially those. You can eat them and because they're so light you can convince yourself that they are not actually that fattening.

A vegan diet takes care of most of what we need to do. But you'll also want to minimize the use of oils generally because while olive oil and other vegetable oils are better for your heart than chicken fat they are as fattening as animal fats.