I was meant to date the captain of the football team, I was going to be on a romantic excursion every Saturday night, I was destined to be collecting corsages from every boy in town before prom, accepting such floral offerings like competing sacrifices to a Delphic goddess.

I almost cried. But I didn't, because if you're in seventh grade and you cry while wearing a blue floral cape and yellow tights with white feathers on the butt, you just have to curl up and die somewhere in a dark alley.

I was meant to date the captain of the football team I was going to be on a romantic excursion every Saturday night I was destined to be collecting corsages from every boy in town before prom accepting such floral offerings like competing sacrifices to a Delphic goddess.