Demetri Martin's Quotes

Demetri Martin's Quotes 54

I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars,...

Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do...

I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are...

I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really...

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce....

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at...

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it...

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer,...

My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another...

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper....

Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort...

I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game...

I like women but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars...

If I have to move up in a building I choose the elevator over the escalator....

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner...

Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do...

And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years so I had temp...

I love women but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are...

My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes you always get another...

I think that when you get dressed in the morning sometimes you're really...

For example I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of...

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at...

The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright like just always as...

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.

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We should try to understand our innermost needs. We shouldn't use irony to reduce their power.

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