George Carlin's Quotes

George Carlin's Quotes 97

The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something...

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.

"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light he had...

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time somewhere...

Some people see things that are and ask Why? Some people dream of things...

Religion is just mind control.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough...

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die your soul goes up on the...

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Well if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire what do...

1
2
3
4

Random Quote

Akkineni Nagarjuna Morning

I exercise six days a week for one hour in the morning.

Top Topicsall topics

By subscribing to Daily Mail Quotes you are agreeing to our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.

Top Authorsall authors