Joan Rivers's Quotes

Joan Rivers's Quotes 60

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

Trust me, there's not one night a week I'm not in a theater somewhere. I...

My mother loved entertaining, and I've followed suit, so we have big...

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the...

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why...

I have no line. If I think it's funny, it's funny.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years...

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.

Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but...

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and...

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

I had a friend who was a plastic surgeon, so he would do little things. I...

I've learned from my dealings with Johnny Carson that no matter what kind of...

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

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I owe the little formal education I got to my drama teacher, Mr. Pickett, who got us to read Shakespeare, Moliere, and other classics.

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