Phyllis Diller's Quotes

Phyllis Diller's Quotes 43

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose...

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in...

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the...

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for...

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?

We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away...

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument a bank has...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

There's so little money in my bank account my scenic checks show a ghetto.

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I like dark humor. My favorite movie of all time is 'Harold and Maude.'

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