Rodney Dangerfield's Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield's Quotes 58

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each...

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would...

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom...

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't...

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my...

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When...

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said...

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact,...

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the...

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she...

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