Woody Allen's Quotes

Woody Allen's Quotes 117

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

I am two with nature.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into...

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in...

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed...

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed...

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Marriage is the death of hope.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening...

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it...

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort...

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