I cannot stand when you go to a wedding and get fed tiny portions. I want everyone to have a good feed on my wedding day, so I plan on having several types of sausage, mash, and gravy up for grabs. Every guest will have a Yorkshire pudding, too!

Since the day Brahma created the world to this day, no one's ever been able to satisfy a wedding guest. They always find some opportunity or other to find fault and criticise. One who can't even afford a dry piece of bread at home becomes a lord at the wedding party.

I love dress shopping, and I love talking about the wedding food. That's what makes me happy. If you tell me to do a guest list, I cry. I hate it.

It should be a small intimate wedding not like a big grand show happening. You can interact with all your guests.

What the bride should do is call guests who have young children and say: 'I'd love to have the kids at the wedding, but we won't have room. Would you get a baby sitter, and when we get back from our honeymoon, we'll have you guys over?'

A gloomy guest fits not a wedding feast.

Not to sound too much like Christopher Guest in 'Waiting for Guffman,' but on Thanksgiving you're putting on a show!

I started acting, when I was 15, in commercials and guest roles. I was definitely a working actor, so I was thankful for that. But I never had to work at a store, although I would have liked to.

When we run out of them upstairs, I've been known to appropriate some from our greenroom, pocketing a few with one hand as I smile and greet our guests with the other. One time, Dave Zinczenko of 'Eat this, Not That!' fame, busted me in the act. The cookies apparently fall in the 'not that' category. I made a note of it.

When I did the film Generations, in which the character died, I felt like a guest for the first time. That made me very sad.

I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on Late Night. We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest.

Edith Vonnegut behaved like a guest in her children's lives. To her way of thinking, parenting came under the general heading of household tasks, which, as a wealthy woman, she could pay others to do.

To be an ideal guest, stay at home.

What is there more kindly than the feeling between host and guest?

Some of the Christopher Guest movies, when I'm not really like myself, when I have my hair dyed blonde or had a faux-hawk haircut. Those I like to watch because it takes you away from your real self.

The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen.

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

Many talk about a guest worker program. I think most reasonable people believe that a guest worker program in the farming industry, perhaps in the gardening and landscape industries, is reasonable.

Children are not casual guests in our home. They have been loaned to us temporarily for the purpose of loving them and instilling a foundation of values on which their future lives will be built.

When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that.

It's so funny, I've done so many projects where I've been interrogated. I guest starred on almost every hour drama, and I'm always the guy they think is the bad guy but then they find out is not.

The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest.

It's fun for me to go on other folks' talk shows. When you've endured the ups and downs and tensions and pitfalls of hosting, being a guest is a piece of angel food.

The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it's a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky.