Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes 1820

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you...

Logan Pearsall Smith

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

Rodney Dangerfield

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

It's funny: I'm a lifelong musician but because I principally play the piano...

I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is or why he's funny and I prefer it...

I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in...

Europe is scooters. Europe is five young people on one bench sharing a...

I've dated some women who have turned me on to some funny things that are...

I think a lot of times on TV we see caricatures - that's what's funny.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Richard Simmons

I show them the funny part the silly part the laughing part the crazy part...

Back in the '70s like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News...

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Who knew Rob Lowe was funny? On 'Parks and Rec,' we've got some of the...

When the sun comes up I have morals again.

And as - funny enough, it actually became - so I've always wanted to be a...

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes I had one thousand and sixty.

Margaret Thatcher

It's a funny old world.

Chelsea Handler

I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Especially with a comedy you've got the clear cut goal of trying to make a...

Garrett Hedlund

It's funny that I got to do 'On the Road' because the thing that had the...

I have an inability to enjoy things but that's why we're in comedy. If we...

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Joey Reiman Life-lessons

"I have two wolves inside me" he tells the chief.

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